Something I never posted but I wrote January 2014. I want to share this with you because in only four months I feel so much stronger physically and emotionally.
"Lately I have yet again been MIA, including my youtube channel. Life gets in the way, and in my case it's my health. I am currently off work, which is devastating for me as I love my job but it's not viable for my health at this time. Unsure what to do for my time off, pour myself into my blog and youtube? As much as my lacking energy allows! It is currently 11:30am as I write and I feel as though I could have a mini nap on the lounge.. Nana alert. Reminder, I am just shy of mid twenty.
I spent well over three hours in appointments yesterday, one with a Naturopath and the other with my GP. Both incredibly beneficial, but both disheartening with my test results. My body isn't responding well to treatment, I don't want to increase my Thyroxine medication (regulates the thyroid hormone which isn't being produced by my body) but I feel I may have to, which in turn can create a thyroid to become lazy as the tablets produce the hormones needed.
Zoning back to the title of my blog post "Sweaty Betty," I have been 'soul searching' recently. I have come to the realisation that I have low self-esteem when it comes to confrontational situations with-in the workplace and bullies in general. I sweat the small stuff daily, I suffer with daily anxiety and regular panic attacks. At work I am mostly fine, but as soon as I have a minute to myself my chest feels tight, my jaw locks, I feel a lump in my throat and my whole body feels like jello. This doesn't happen every time it's only when something triggers it such as a nasty comment, glare, a condescending tone, high stress situations, seeing others disagreements but many times I can't see or know why I am having anxiety it's just a strange feeling which washes over me and I feel like jumping into bed and staying there.
I was bullied in Primary School, not only by pupils but also teachers - not a friendly environment for an eleven year old. Home life was average, but my parents needed to work hard and long hours at their jobs as that was what was expected. Dad owned his own business, so if he didn't who else would, and Mum was working for a company where their normality was working long hours (they are both working much healthier and fulfilling jobs now). Something I didn't realise when I was in High School was how supportive my parents actually are, for example with my own health they are both here for me and researching with me/taking days off to help out when they can.
With past experiences, bullies, unhealthy relationships with people, peer pressure and now my health I feel like a balloon about to explode! Which is what happened at the doctors yesterday. I went in to ask for some advice and my GP opened up the floodgates, knowing I was pretty fragile (but I feel so much better now someone knows what's going on in my heart and mind).
With recent revelations I have decided to become a stronger person, I will some how gain more self esteem and self worth. I won't let the small things get me down, easier said than done but I will aid professional help.
If you would like me to keep blogging my journey let me know in the comments, sorry if none of this post makes any sense but I am trying different avenues of expressing my bottled emotions and if this is something that helps me, and maybe another person then that would be fantastic!"
It is unreal what talking to someone can do guys. I feel.. Elated? I haven't figured it out completely but a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Even writing this blog post, I feel good!!
Tell me your stories, I promise to listen and hope to help. This is a safe environment.
Xo Jocelyn
"Lately I have yet again been MIA, including my youtube channel. Life gets in the way, and in my case it's my health. I am currently off work, which is devastating for me as I love my job but it's not viable for my health at this time. Unsure what to do for my time off, pour myself into my blog and youtube? As much as my lacking energy allows! It is currently 11:30am as I write and I feel as though I could have a mini nap on the lounge.. Nana alert. Reminder, I am just shy of mid twenty.
I spent well over three hours in appointments yesterday, one with a Naturopath and the other with my GP. Both incredibly beneficial, but both disheartening with my test results. My body isn't responding well to treatment, I don't want to increase my Thyroxine medication (regulates the thyroid hormone which isn't being produced by my body) but I feel I may have to, which in turn can create a thyroid to become lazy as the tablets produce the hormones needed.
Zoning back to the title of my blog post "Sweaty Betty," I have been 'soul searching' recently. I have come to the realisation that I have low self-esteem when it comes to confrontational situations with-in the workplace and bullies in general. I sweat the small stuff daily, I suffer with daily anxiety and regular panic attacks. At work I am mostly fine, but as soon as I have a minute to myself my chest feels tight, my jaw locks, I feel a lump in my throat and my whole body feels like jello. This doesn't happen every time it's only when something triggers it such as a nasty comment, glare, a condescending tone, high stress situations, seeing others disagreements but many times I can't see or know why I am having anxiety it's just a strange feeling which washes over me and I feel like jumping into bed and staying there.
I was bullied in Primary School, not only by pupils but also teachers - not a friendly environment for an eleven year old. Home life was average, but my parents needed to work hard and long hours at their jobs as that was what was expected. Dad owned his own business, so if he didn't who else would, and Mum was working for a company where their normality was working long hours (they are both working much healthier and fulfilling jobs now). Something I didn't realise when I was in High School was how supportive my parents actually are, for example with my own health they are both here for me and researching with me/taking days off to help out when they can.
With past experiences, bullies, unhealthy relationships with people, peer pressure and now my health I feel like a balloon about to explode! Which is what happened at the doctors yesterday. I went in to ask for some advice and my GP opened up the floodgates, knowing I was pretty fragile (but I feel so much better now someone knows what's going on in my heart and mind).
With recent revelations I have decided to become a stronger person, I will some how gain more self esteem and self worth. I won't let the small things get me down, easier said than done but I will aid professional help.
If you would like me to keep blogging my journey let me know in the comments, sorry if none of this post makes any sense but I am trying different avenues of expressing my bottled emotions and if this is something that helps me, and maybe another person then that would be fantastic!"
It is unreal what talking to someone can do guys. I feel.. Elated? I haven't figured it out completely but a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Even writing this blog post, I feel good!!
Tell me your stories, I promise to listen and hope to help. This is a safe environment.
Xo Jocelyn
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